I was recently participating on a facebook thread about motherhood and words of wisdom you share with new moms in prenatal yoga classes. It brought me back to a piece I wrote for Shakti Rising, a local non profit. So much of what I wrote remains true. Now, I have three kids who exhaust me, keep me on my toes and amaze me daily. So here it is. My throwback to me in April of 2010:
There was a time in my life when I wanted to become a gypsy—free, adventurous and wild. I wanted to see the world with a backpack and a passport full of customs stamps. This was my wild feminine dream, untamed by responsibility. These days, my passport is expired. Motherhood has completely transformed my perception of the wild feminine. I recently tried to sum up this change to an old friend, and the best way I could describe it is was a loss of spontaneity and adventure. That might seem terrible to some. It actually sounded terrible to me at first.
In 2005, during my very first prenatal visit for my son, the nurse told me that I should avoid walking in high heels. When I told my mom about this she said “Aryn, being pregnant is not an illness.” As usual, she was so right. Our society treats pregnancy and motherhood as weak. Don’t get me wrong, there are so many things about pregnancy that are uncomfortable; but discomfort is not a sign of weakness. Pregnancy and motherhood returns us to our essence, our most innate power as women. Today, this is my concept of the wild feminine. I had never given much thought to reincarnation; but, when I touched my son’s little hand for the first time, I knew our souls had always been connected and he had always been a part of me. It happened again three years later when my daughter was born. They are my greatest accomplishments; so ultimately, it is okay that my passport is expired, because I don’t have plans to go anywhere right now. I can’t leave two pieces of me behind, nor would it be fair to lug those pieces with me. My adventures may now be kid-friendly, but not less wild.
The role of Mother is a not an easy one. It takes bravery and instinct. We have to remain serious and calm, but never so much that we cannot laugh at ourselves or our children. We overflow with love and intuition, so much that our tears are often a mix of joy and sorrow. I wept the night before my daughter turned one. The days are so long and difficult during the first year. I was physically and emotionally consumed by my daughter’s needs. It was exhausting. But thinking of her butterfly birthday cake and number one candle, I couldn’t help feeling sad the year had passed so quickly and my baby was no longer an infant. As mothers, we are the first to be blamed if our children misbehave - we blame ourselves, too! We are the first to wake up to feed a hungry baby or comfort a sick child. We dress, feed and bathe our children before we do ourselves. We have all been embarrassed at one time or another by our children in public. We are pressed to make quick decisions, and decisions that require great thought and research. Mothers are so needed, not only by their children, but on a societal level. We must listen to our hearts and our guts. When we do, our strength and power are truly manifested in our children, our families, and even our societies. The role of Mother is the wild feminine.